Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
