garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
