shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
