i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
