Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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