Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
