your thong is hanging out like whoa
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
