I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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