I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize