i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
