I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
