yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
