There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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