no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
