So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
