You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
