I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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