I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
