He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
