Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
