he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
