he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
