My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
