I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
