I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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