Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My vagina is officially offended.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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