Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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