Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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