Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
