Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
