So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
