Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
