I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He shit in the fireplace
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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