I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
