He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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