I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
