Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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