Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
