i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
