I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
