Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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