This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
