I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
