"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
