So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
