apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
