saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
