Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
