my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
