Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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