If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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