He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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