you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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