I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize