Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
