So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
