i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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