Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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