So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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