My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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