Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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