I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
