Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
