How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
