Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize