Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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