the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
