rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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