lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
