Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
