hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
