life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
