You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
