chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
