I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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