I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
