after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
